 Dealing
With Difficult People:
The Practical Way
As
professional association managers, we have all been asked
at one time or another why we enjoy this sometimes crazy
business we are in. It is certainly much easier to manage
rental and commercial office buildings than community associations,
if for no other reason than, in rental, if a tenant does
not wish to abide by the rules, they can be asked to leave.
We do not necessarily have to influence them to do it our
way. As Ken Schatz says in his book, "Managing By Influence",
(1994), it is easy to manage by authority but much more difficult
to manage by influence. The results, however, are more effective
when managed by influence. To effectively deal with difficult
people, consider: (1) Why are people difficult? (2) How to
determine what is really bothering the person? (3) What are
practical methods of handling difficult people?
Why
are people difficult?
There are many reasons why people are difficult at one time or another. We
all know that some people are naturally disagreeable and have never been able
to adjust from that behavior. We cannot pretend to interact effectively with
these folks because their attitude prevents us from dealing with them in a
effective manner. However, many of us experience difficult times due to variety
of valid reasons, while at other times, the reasons may seem petty. The underlying
reasons for an unreasonably demanding attitude may be related to job stress,
home stress, traffic, lack of understanding, you-versus-them syndrome, having
a hidden agenda and even, poor service.
From
the perspective of the Board of Directors, a lack of demonstrated
leadership can cause and encourage confusion, conflict, and
intolerance. On the lighter side, but still applicable, blame
can be placed on the weather, lunar movements, football losses,
or having teenage children! As a leader, being aware of these
human frailties in yourself as well as others will go a long
way in dealing with the individual who is being difficult.
Finding
out what is really bothering someone?
In my opinion, the most difficult part of working with this issue is trying
to identify what the problem is so that you can find ways to solve it. Each
individual is different and, in my case, having the patience to delve into
the problem is an area I focus on in order to be more effective. The first
requirement is to be a good listener. In my experience I found that a difficult
person is often someone who wants attention. This does not necessarily mean
they do not have a valid issue. However, their demanding approach discourages
others from wanting to explore the issue further so that assistance can be
provided to them. Being a good listener requires patience, focus, and understanding.
Lacking these qualities could cause failure in determining what is genuinely
bothering someone. If you are successful in being a good listener, you can
often use your influence to create a calming climate and eventually have a
non-emotional discussion. Encouraging an individual to discuss their issue(s)
without being condescending or judgmental will go a long way in your ability
to narrow down the issues and subsequently find a solution. I have found that
when an individual believes you are sincerely trying to solve his/her problem,
that person will respond positively, even though the solution may not have
been what they expected.
What are practical methods of handling
difficult people?
As leaders, we all know that when conducting meetings we can use (or hide behind,
if you wish) Roberts Rules of Order and instill a certain amount of control
the legal way. This may not always be in the best interest of the group you
are representing, and in fact, can destroy the relationship you have nurtured
over time. When evaluating practical methods of handling difficult people,
the first and foremost thing to consider: what is right for this situation.
If you lose integrity with this person, the next time you deal with a difficult
person will prove to be two or three times harder. Maintaining flexibility,
having an open mind on problem solving, as well as positive thinking are all
extremely important. People respond favorably and with a cooperative attitude
when you offer a positive perspective and give them the enthusiastic impression
of "Yes, we can solve this together." When individuals are difficult
and present you with a problem, ask them "Do you have a recommended solution?" Whenever
possible, make the person a part of the solution, influence them to "own" the
solution and to take credit for it.
Often,
we are dealing with difficult people within community associations
in a group setting. This usually occurs at Board, Committee,
or Annual meetings. Planning a well thought-out agenda, with
appropriate structure, provides the proper vehicle for a
successful meeting. Many times if meetings are conducted
with a good structure, it is easier to deal with difficult
people. Having periodic Town Meetings with a formal agenda,
which includes answers to often asked questions along with
a resident forum to vent concerns and obtain answers, will
also go a long way in helping you deal with aggressive individuals.
Finally,
communicate with your fellow owners and residents on a consistent
basis using a communication vehicle such as a newsletter
and website. These tools can provide answers sought out by
difficult people and encourage them to a conclusion that
being difficult is harder and less productive than being
a positive and satisfied person.
A
full comprehension by YOU that one of the major reasons
you are in this business either professionally or as a volunteer,
is the fact that you genuinely like dealing with people and PROJECTING this
attitude in everything you do will make you successful in DEALING
WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE.
Association Times' Staff Writer
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